1. Yummy Mummies

From the recording Family Portraits (Volume 1)

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"Yummy Mummies" is a guitar-driven song written about three contrasting, but equally ugly, perspectives on the pejorative epithet "Yummy Mummy".

Essentially, the term "Yummy Mummy" is British slang for a "kept partner". Of course, said "kept partner" can be either male or female; although the word "Mummy" clearly designates a woman. In the popular vernacular, the implication is unquestionably negative. "Yummy Mummies" are two-dimensional. They don't actually do (read earn) anything. They are caricatures who spend their days self-actualising, attending endless "champagne lunches" and "coffee mornings". In Protestant Britain, they are to be disapproved of.

The most "rocky" of all the songs on the "Family Portraits" album, the song "Yummy Mummies" examines three contrasting but equally ugly perspectives on the in-itself ugly pejorative "Yummy Mummy" -- and i the process tries to deconstruct and subvert the term.

1) In verse one, from the vantage point of an envious, male protagonist who would himself very much like to be "a kept wife", a "Yummy Mummy". His ugliness is jealousy and coveting.

2) The second perspective (in the second verse) is from a "Yummy Mummy", as commonly understood: a kept wife. She tries to defend her "Stepford Wives" lifestyle, and bemoans its hardships (which would be laughably trivial to anyone else). Her ugliness is entitlement.

3) The third perspective (in the middle eight) is from "Rupert" an imagined businessman in the City of London who "salivates" over the idea of "Yummy Mummies". Presumably he "keeps" a "trophy wife", whilst fantasizing about others. His ugliness is his creepiness.


Yummy Mummies

I am disgruntled, yeah!
From Royal Tunbridge Wells and I
Am here to tell you that
I am mad as hell….

About the yummy mummies
Who park their four wheel drives across my life
Why can’t I?
Be entitled too?
Made an honest man of…even better preferably, a kept wife?

The yummy Mummies and their endless champagne lunches
How hard can it be to navigate the undercurrents?

Before you judge, you try
Make Tarquin practice violin
Bake a cake for the church fete
Put in an appearance on a Sunday
Oh my gosh!
Now Penelope won’t eat her brioche
At this rate, she’ll be late
For pony club
And I’ll be the worst Mum
Oh no!

The yummy Mummies and their endless champagne lunches
You’ll need a compass just to navigate the undercurrents

In the city
Rupert calculates
The cost of love
Licks his lips
On the train
Salivates over all the totty

The yummy Mummies and their endless champagne lunches
You’ll need a compass just to navigate the undercurrents

The yummy Mummies and their endless coffee mornings
You’ll need a cipher just to deconstruct the pleasatries
Oh yeah!